Imagine That...

November Notes

I wish I didn't have to wait until unexpectedly given half a day off before the holiday weekend to have blog time, but alas, such is life. Here are some long awaited tidbits from the happenings of Ben.

Kym Loves George

Indeed she does ladies and gentleman. And before that, it was George's turn on the billboard down the street from my house. I don't remember when this new outward expression of their love was unveiled (October? September, perhaps), but all that matters is that their love be chronicled. They have been going at it with a semi-aquatic theme since February this year with the scuba divers. Before dolphins there was a heart etched into the sandy beach somewhere. It had a poem superimposed that begged the question, "What did you do to make the world better today?" I long for a day when I too can answer that question by expressing my love for someone else. I hope that George and Kym keep it up. The daily reminder of their love certainly makes my world a better place.

Around America Project

Sometime in Mid-October, I received a message via CouchSurfing from a guy named Matt Danzico, a Brooklyn transplant from Scranton, PA (of Office fame). He had only recently discovered the wonders of CouchSurfing, which was really too bad considering the adventure he had set forth upon. He was conducting an experiment; one I would guess has never been tried before, which is why I agreed to participate, despite the fact that he seemed to be abusing the CouchSurfing system. He was attempting to travel from Brooklyn across the US to Portland, down California and across the Sunbelt, up Appalachia and return to Brooklyn in 80 days, and without spending any of his own money on necessities: food, transportation, and housing. He calls it Around America Project 2.0 – and you can totally watch his follies across these United States because he is filming the whole escapade and uploading short videos about each stop regularly.

Anyway, he really wasn't asking for much more than the normal CouchSurfers who generally require that you put them up and show them around. Matt also requested of his hosts that they provide for him a few meals which can be inexpensive, show him a couple of quirky things about your particular city, and also to perhaps drive him an hour or two to his next destination. It really wasn't much to ask considering the fact that I would be forever illuminated on the internet and I would be a part of something that hasn't ever been done before.

The only problem was that Matt had a hell of a time trying to get a ride out of El Paso. West Texas is BIG and VAST and desolate and poor Matt couldn't get a break. He even tried hitchhiking, but when he almost got abducted by a trucker, he called his El Paso host to pick him up, and that very generous man bought Matt a plane ticket to San Antone.

I picked Matt up at the airport on Saturday, November 3^rd, and brought him back to the roof terrace just in time for sunset. There, he conducted an interview of me which can be seen on the site (edited). That night, we rode bikes downtown and I treated him to an authentic Mexican patio dinner at Cascabel. Then, met up with friends at La Tuna and he bought me a few beers. Apparently the limits of his experiment exclude the purchase of what he calls vices – beer and cigarettes. Food is one thing, but I saw his point about asking strangers to buy him cigarettes. In any case, the next morning I shared with him the beauty of breakfast tacos (a sequence of wonderment that was sadly edited out of his video), and then we went to Keith's house…

You might remember Keith. I hosted him as a CouchSurfer back in May and showed him such a good time that by mid-June, Keith had moved to San Antonio and was living in the basement of my friend Caleb's loft at Blue Star. He is now a math teacher at a public high school in a town nearby. In a crazy coincidence, Keith's first place on his own happens to be in the same house (which is subdivided into three apartments) that my dear friend Elizabeth Graff and her husband and daughter were living in and stayed with when I first wandered into town well over two years ago. Is that clear? Keith stayed with me when he first visited town. I stayed with Elizabeth when I first came to town. By random happenstance, now Keith lives in that same building. San Antonio is crazy like that.

Anyway, Keith and Matt enjoyed the trampoline in Keith's backyard. But the real reason we went to Keith's in the first place was because he had been hosting a CouchSurfer of his own that weekend – a girl named Rachel from Austin. Having only recently moved to Austin from Brooklyn, she had never been to the Alamo and since we were headed there anyway, she joined us for the tour as well as the ride to Austin where I would be unloading Matt.

Rachel and Matt – downtown.

I showed them the Birthplace of Texas Independence and then we strolled around the Riverwalk. I have to say that Matt is a very fortuitous soul. Just as his ride to Houston bailed at the last minute, it worked out that I was going to Austin anyway to hang out with my friend Hale AND Hale was going to Houston that week anyway.

In Austin Hale (pictured above) and I showed Matt and Rachel many of our capitol city's treasures. We had coffee at the San Jose Hotel, wandered about hipster central S. Congress a bit, went to the impressive Cathedral of Junk, picked up snacks and provisions at Wheatsville Co-op, went Cardboard Sledding, and watched the sunset over the Congress Street Bridge as the famous bat migration fluttered beneath.

Cardboard Sledding speaks for itself folks – watch the hilarious video!

I was so glad to be involved it Matt's journey. May he make it home safe to Brooklyn where the blatant and contrived use of cowboy hats are far less of a problem.

Chili Bowl

Last Friday, Marc emailed me at work and told me that we should totally check out the Chili Bowl that night. What, you ask, is the Chili Bowl? I asked Marc the same question, desperately hoping it did not involve actually eating chili. (Who's not from Texas? yeah, it's me!) Apparently, it was a high school football game between two rival schools – Jefferson vs. Edison played at the legendary Alamo Stadium which is so beautifully carved out of an old limestone quarry not far from my home. Unfortunately, that game was the previous weekend. The game Marc had duped Jeremy and I into attending was just some lame ass football game between Edison and Fox Tech. Regardless, all three of us having been big band nerds in high school, were in for some good nostalgic fun.

Jeremy and Marc lock up the bikes.

Oh the half time shows were a huge disappointment. We wanted to see marching formations, but these bands did none of it! One of them simply stood in a big block and played for their dance team (and actually, the dance team was amazing. And by amazing I mean in a group nine dancers, to which the rest were skinny girls, one lone fat dude showed off his kick line skills. Seriously, you can kind of make him out in the above photo standing in a line at the front of the field with the odd colored shirt possibly because they couldn't find one that matched in his size? Poor guy… but, damn. I have never seen a guy do a kick line like that. Ever.) The second school's band just did some cheesy Veteran's Day crap. We were totally bummed.

Anyway, we enjoyed watching the horrendously bad football, singing to the familiar stand tunes, and shamefully telling band stories of lame high school glory. I definitely feel like I never have to go to another high school football game in my entire life. I'm really glad I got that out of my system.

Lost Maples

A few weeks back, my friends Sky and Kristen suggested a camping trip. The idea was to go up to Enchanted Rock – a state park about an hour and a half away featuring a large exposed granite dome - with a group of friends and explore said geological oddity, and commune with nature the best way we city folk know how. But nothing is ever easy, especially in midst of Fall camping season. It turns out that the campgrounds at ERock were all booked over Veteran's Day weekend and all our other friends had made other plans or had to work. I recommended a hearty day trip, but Sky and Kristen had their hearts set on camping and could not be deterred. Thus, Kristen made a reservation for primitive camping at Lost Maples State Natural Area.

I was seriously skeptical of this "primitive camping" idea. First of all, there were no open fires allowed in the primitive camping areas and that seemed a bit antithetical to the camping experience. How would we keep warm? And more importantly – how would we make s'mores? Secondly, looking at the map of the park, I noticed that you couldn't drive up to the primitive camping areas, you had to hike there. And depending upon where in the park you were assigned to camp, this could require a rather long hike up steep terrain. None of us had brought backpacks, and we had a cooler chilling our food and alcoholic provisions – would we have to carry our beer all that way? Or would we <gasp> have to leave our beer in my car's trunk? S'mores were one thing…

I couldn't help but feel as though we were vastly unprepared as we arrived to the park check-in area. We pretty much lucked out and there happened to be one camping-with-amenities spot open. Or perhaps the park ranger took pity on us and assigned us a little camp spot on a rocky patch of earth adjacent to the sewage treatment plant. We were stoked!

Sky and Kristen, pictured above figuring out the new tent.

Sky decided to drape himself with the rain-fly.

He proceeded to act like a kindly, poor, old gypsy woman for at least the next 45 minutes.

Before dusk, we got an hour of hiking in. Lost Maples is a unique spot an hour or so due west of San Antonio. Texas isn't known for colorful fall foliage, but there is a rare sub-species of maple tree that only grows along the streambed in this particular state park, hence the name "Lost Maples". As you can imagine, it is quite breath-taking this time of year and hundreds flock each day to take in its autumn resplendence which peaks this time of year. Usually, that is. Unlike the rest of the country, central Texas received an abnormal amount of rainfall this year. Apparently all the unexpected excess watering caused the maples leaves to turn yellow and abruptly die before we arrived.

We made the best of it – nature is always beautiful soI did some runway action through the dead maples.

That night, we sat at our picnic table in the dark, eating away at some vegetarian pot stickers Whole Foods prepared for our trip. Our camping neighbors took pity on our sad, little camping effort. They had an overabundance of beer, s'mores, and room by their campfire to share with us. And we graciously accepted. In another strange San Antonio coincidence, it turned out that they were hosting an Afghan exchange student. I realize that isn't too crazy, but get this: They were part of the same group of volunteers hosting Afghani teenagers that my friends Betsy and Luke (also of SATX) were among, as I learned they too, had an Afghani in their home. Apparently there were 9 families total in San Antonio hosting. And we happened to befriend one of them by random happenstance, as they had adopted an additional three pathetic campers that evening. Wild.

Speaking of wild - We made sure to behave by not feeding the animals. If you do, you know, you might spread bubonic plague. Right.

The next morning we made use of our very generous neighbors, who shared with us their fantastic coffee machine, and the three of us set off on an inspired (meaning caffeinated) five mile hike.

Despite the lack of extreme fall color, there was an awful lot to get excited about on our hike. There were creeks and streams, waterfalls, steep cliffs, large boulders, and a rather impressive bluff view.

There were also strange antlered creatures atop said bluff.

Pack-man Rock.

Thanksgiving

So it's Thanksgiving weekend, and for the umpteenth time since I can't even remember (it's been that long), I am not with my family. Back when my parents were still together and my grandparents were alive, I remember it being something resembling a traditional holiday. Mom would have the food catered, and we would set out the fine plastic-ware on the picnic table on our dock overlooking the lake. It was nice, and all our extended family friends would be there too, which undoubtedly meant that Sami and I would re-enact the entire Wizard of Oz movie. She would play Dorothy, and I every other character. But that was so very long ago, and the last Thanksgiving I remember spending in Hollywood was with my mom at a sushi restaurant. And maybe Grandma was there too. The pilgrims were all about the tuna tataki.

In any case, it's been so fascinating to witness how this pivotal expression of The American Ideal translates through the various families I have spent Thanksgiving with over the past several years. This was my third Turkey Day since moving to Texas and I was delighted to spend it in Austin with my friend Jonathan Smith, his parents, sister Emily, and girlfriend Cameron. I had never met Jonathan's family before, and since meeting parent of my friends has become a favorite pastime of mine, I was rather looking forward to it. They are really nice folks. Jonathan's mom made a delectable feast which was augmented slightly by the beets I prepared that morning. His dad, I learned, is an amateur fossil hunter and showed me his prized collection before unloading half of it into my car! I also got a kick out of learning more about Jonathan's childhood. There was nothing unexpected – he was an eagle scout after all, and nothing fell short of the that level of over achievement. After dinner we reviewed his wealth of wheat pennies, and rummaged through a trunk of pure boyhood: binders full of baseball cards organized by volume and subdivided into National and American leagues, model cars, shadowboxes full of merit badges, and my personal favorite – two kits sent to him by the 1992 Clinton/Gore Presidential Campaign to be a "Rapid Response Team Captain" full of stickers, buttons, and VHS tapes. I love how the campaign was perfectly comfortable by the idea of an 11 year old rapidly responding to crises on the campaign trail. But then again, Bill Clinton did win…

Pictured above – Jonathan and Cameron circa my SanAntoniversary.

All this is a long winded way of expressing my thanks to all of my San Antonio friends who have opened their homes and hearts to me over the last several years since I have been a Texan. I will miss you most of all scarecrow.

 

 

Halloween En Masse

ZOMBIFIED

Last Saturday was San Antonio's First Annual Zombie Walk. Has anyone heard about these unusual culminations of the masses? Apparently it's a national phenomenon; an epidemic if you will.

The concept is horrifyingly simple. Choose one or more landmarks in your city's bustling downtown. Select a time. Spread the word. Dress up your friends and self in zombie attire, make-up, and gear. Accumulate at rendezvous point. March a la un-dead with hundreds of fellow zombies along designated route. Easy breezy.

My friends and I were totally stoked as you can imagine. Unfortunately, there were a whole host of problems – the biggest being that the guy in charge of this sordid affair did not have our confidence. Through his Myspace page, we concluded that the decisions being made to bring the zombies of San Antone (and beyond) together were poorly thought through. First, we were supposed to meet at 5 o'clock and begin stalking the passers-by en masse at the stroke of six. This seemed way too early. It wouldn't even be dark yet! Secondly, the route seemed WAY too short. With no doubt the two biggest landmarks downtown are Tower of the Americas and of course that little limestone mission with the funny roofline. But a walk between these two features is at most four blocks. Four blocks didn't seem worth the trouble. Then the big kicker was that the after party was planned for a venue in Loop Land. We inner-loop snobs can't deal with spending a Saturday night in some crappy club way out. No thank you.

And then there was that little issue of the scheduling conflict. Apparently there was to be Ale Fest at the Hemis-Fair park, which is where the Tower is located. Oops. Turns out that event organizers can work together on occasion and the good people of Ale Fest agreed to allow zombies in for a 75% discount, which was really sweet of them. Phew! Crisis averted.

Despite the lack of our approval regarding various facets of the event, I think we all agreed that this was going to be a scream no matter what. And thus we marched on toward the abyss.

Melissa and I were particularly excited, as we had assigned ourselves the task of zombification. There are few things that I can say with over-abundant confidence, but I am a rather skillful zombie make-up artist. When I was a lad, my father was involved in a volunteer organization that benefitted local charities. For several years they built a haunted house to raise money for Diabetes Cure? Helping the Homeless? Saving the Rain Forest? Take your pick, I can't remember. For the most part, presumably because I was like twelve, I was relegated to mere zombie roles as part of the Haunted House cast. And every night, some make-up professional would do me up. I watched and learned and then proceeded to do my own zombie make-up for practically every Halloween that followed. Then in college, during my Resident Assistant days, I made up countless zombies for our special Kellum Hall Haunted House fundraiser. That was fun, but I hadn't made any zombies in a really long time, so like I said, was pretty excited by the opportunity.

Melissa and I bought our supplies on Friday. We were set to go. But there was that little problem of this event being at that super awkward early evening time. This meant we had to convene super early at like 3pm on Saturday. Melissa learned the art of zombie during a stage make-up course she took in college and I was eager to see her academic approach in practice. Contrary to my paper bag technique, she employed and was more partial to using tissue paper. The effects are staggeringly different. Coarsely-ripped, brown paper bags can provide the illusion of deep, mangled gashes, while tissue paper can produce a sculpted peeling effect. Either way, it would take quite some time to do everyone's zombie make-up. And our friends were sure taking their time to get their asses to Melissa's apartment for grotesque abrasions and appletinis.

Eventually, our crew of zombies-to-be arrived and there was a fierce scramble to get ready. We were seriously running late, but regardless, I managed to make some good looking zombies. My masterpiece of the day was a rather large gash on Libby's (a.k.a. Prom Queen Zombie) back which featured an eyeball protruding from the wound that even matched her turquoise prom dress.

At about a quarter to 6 – we were SO late – our zombie crew hustled over toward the Tower. I dived into the backseat of Melissa's VW Golf and thanked the heavens that she volunteered to drive as I watched our carefully applied zombie make-up fake blood rub off all over her car's black interior.

Libby – Prom Queen Zombie, and Melissa – Swimmer Zombie. We bolted over to the meeting spot in a very un-zombie-like fashion and then had to cope with the fact that everyone had already left. Luckily zombies move slowly, and because a herd of one hundred and fifty zombies does not go unnoticed, people we able to point us in the right direction.

We caught up with the group…you can see me in there somewhere. I should mention that I did not have my camera with me so a lot of these photos were snatched from Google searching "San Antonio Zombie Walk photos," in addition to some from Mark Jones and my friend Penny (below) - I totally did her make-up.

I think this is my favorite photo of Libby, Kristen, and Melissa taken by Mark Jones who was a spectator.

Policeman Zombie.

Thriller?

These kids were so good!

Ok. I should come clean. This, in fact was, a rather well-planned affair. The Ale Fest conflict worked out, zombies were actually let in for free. The short route was actually quite long because walking like a zombie forces you to stumble about slowly and very deliberate. Thus, walking to the Alamo actually took about a half hour. And the fact that it was just before dusk was perfect, because it ensured there to be a lot of spectators and also that they could see us. And more importantly that cars could see us.

Daddy and daughter zombies. (Check out the menace behind them!)

Dr. Zombie.

Baby Zombie!

Zombies at the Alamo…

You're probably wondering, how the hell did the people of San Antonio react to such mayhem? Well, there was a definitely the expected hooting and hollering. There was the unexpected delight of some folks who stopped as though watching a parade, which they kind of were watching – a zombie parade! Then there were the people who surprised me by actually exhibiting uninhibited terror. There were half a dozen people who were genuinely frightened. This amazed me because even though some people made very convincing zombies, there was a rather evident spectrum of stayng in character. It was harder than you would think, especially since we got there so late, and we didn't get to see everyone's costumes before the walk.

Anyway, we arrived at the Alamo.

The guards (because, you know, it's always guarded) would not let us onto the sidewalk in front of the Alamo. They explained that the ground was sacred. I'm not kidding.

Lots of people, some zombie, some prey.

Zombies attack!

Our zombie group….mmmmmm…brains.

And the fun didn't stop there. We went in just our small group down to the River walk where we continued to freak the crap out of everyone around us. We had drinks at a bar which was fun. Then we went to the DIY Fest at a club near downtown. We were still in our zombie costumes which were totally DIY so we fit right in. Although, we tried to keep our fake blood-laden paws off the hand stitched bags for sale. Later we went to a party at Penny's house. Still. Dressed. Like. Zombies.

Libby and Brent express their evident discomfort.

BIKE GANG SUMMIT II: THE RECLAMATION

We all knew it was coming. Ever since the last one brought us more fun than anyone should have on a Saturday night, we have been anticipating its arrival. And because of this, you would have thought we'd have had a few bike gang ideas saved up for the occasion. But noooo, the Halloween Bike Summit was going to be as much as scramble as all the other ones. Brian and Alison with Vicki and I only started brainstorming two weeks ago! We wanted to do something easy and outwardly offensive. And the best thing we came up with to fit that criteria was "Bloody Tampons," but Brian refused because he wants to go to law school someday and thinks that he won't get in if people find unsavory photos of him on the internet. As if I would ever do that! And besides, if we did it right no one would recognize him. So we kinda threw around a few other ideas eventually settling on a Bladerunner theme. Or in the style of, rather.

But controversy was to be had! As I started collecting additional Bladerunners and Replicants for our gang, Brian made other plans. He wanted to somehow have us be connected with pantyhose and call us "Siamese Bikers" a concept that would be virtually impossible to execute which is why I wondered why he settled on it without any discussion. Meanwhile, I was stuck with his Bladerunner idea; a movie I don't even like all that much.

Never the less, the day arrived, and I had all us North-Siders meet on the roof terrace for cocktails.

Kristen and Sky arrive.

Kristen, after I adorned her with our Bladrunner-esque Post-Apocalyptic retro futuristic motif. The make-up was really goopy, but glowed in the blacklight that came with it.

Sky as terrorist Cat Stevens.

Terrorist Sky, Flapper Victoria, Replicant Kristen, Harrison Ford-ish Marc, and Nico, who really had a sorry excuse for a costume.

Not Harrison Ford. Marc and I invited his long time friend Hale from Austin to come on the ride. Hale was to borrow my bike which ended up being a huge fiasco when he arrived rather late, but we don't need to get into that now. It all worked out rather splendidly anyhow.

Onward to the rendezvous point!

Under the highway.

The group expands.

So does Jeremy, seen right with Desiree and Utah.

Kristen, Victoria, and Libby – as Never Ending Story Princess.

Mark Jones – our fearless leader, who spent many months in preparation to wear a denim jacket.

Heather as Rosie "We CAN do it!" and creepy cross-country coach Jeremy.

Humans or replicants? Hint: Humans wouldn't be caught dead in a Hanson shirt.

Oh look – it's the Lame Gang. Brian and Alison and Simon were the Skeletons. Like that's never been done before…

WE RIDE!

And then… my bike broke. Yes, 'tis true. Someone decided that it would look especially "Post-apocalyptic" for his bike to be donned in fake rusted barbed wire. Let's just say that was a really stupid idea.

Eventually, I barely made it in time to hang out in the old town cemetery.

Dictator Matt Fleeger, and Vicki – who also ditched the Bladerunner costume despite it being her idea, for the SARS victim costume. Oh! And Krystal Fleeger had the greatest wig on ever!

Jennifer Lloyd as the murdered bride's maids gang.

Kristen in full Black Light make-up.

And I.

Nico, who joined the one-eared bunny gang.

We stopped at a Valero station for treats.

Vicki.

Desiree.

Libby and Matt.

Nico, Hale, and Marc – who finally met back up with us after the aforementioned fiasco of leaving a cell phone in Austin and then missing us but then miraculously finding the bike we left for him then us. Anyway, we met up with him and Marc at a house party.

Jonathan as SNAKES ON A PLANE!

Again, Jeremy.

Hale, newly inducted into our Bladerunner Gang.

As with Keith.

The ride continued and rode around quite a lot before coming to our final destination in a field by the river.

Cameron – also a SOAP! With Vicki an Jonathan

Me & Des.

Marc – wearing the awesome dread wig I bought for him.

Me and Melissa and Justin Parr – whose camera took these very professional looking photos…

Me and Mel.

Kristen and Sky.

Dread Jones.

Nico and Marc.

Nico and Libby.

Keith.

Hale and his marshmellow shot-gun.

Finally holding a gun like a true Texan,

Alison gives it a whirl.

Brian and Simon.

Back of Hale.

Dready Brad.

Beery Brad.

A devilish Beto Gonzalez and his lady friend.

Later we tried to go to some after party at Blue Star but that didn't work out, so we went to an ice house down the street.

Dread Jonathan.

And Jones.

Fun, but oh-so tiring. Too tiring for worthwhile reflection or insight.

Happy Belated Halloween! Or Happy All Saints Day! And Happy premature Dia de Los Muertos.