Do I still get a Spring Break as a working professional? I think I do.
My much anticipated visit to Florida earlier this month was dripping with bliss on all fronts. It was a real whirlwind of a week. I tirelessly romped about reconnecting with old friends, rediscovering the place of my birth, hanging out with my folks, but mostly passing out on my Mom's patio hammock. The weather was unreal! It was perfectly breezy in the lower to mid-70's with NO HUMIDITY. IN FLORIDA. Unbelievably glorious it certainly was. I've never had so many good hair days there in row.
It all started with being picked up by my Dad in Miami. I was both famished and exhausted and really in no condition to be anything but a good sport. My dad suggested eating pizza in Coconut Grove since we were already right there. I was completely unprepared for the view of Downtown off the Dolphin Expressway. Miami has exploded in population and development (which I suppose technically is the opposite of exploded.) Anyway, there were about 20 cranes littering the horizon, each hovering above another high rise monstrosity yet-to-be.
I gaped at the accelerated rate by which South Florida has grown in my absence. There have been obliterating forces of nature plowing through the region - at least half a dozen hurricanes in the last few years - and yet they rebuild with insurmountable enthusiasm. We passed that one historic tower in downtown and my dad pointed out that it was the city's highest building when he moved there in the mid-'70's.
"Just wait until you see what they've done to Hollywood," he said.
There was traffic on the highway North, so at my request Dad veered right, exited and we barreled over the causeway to the beach. Much like everywhere else, the beach was also rapidly expanding upward. Donald Trump is constructing three new complexes with three towers each. One of these is in Hollywood! Yes, my little unpretentious beach town has been infiltrated by big-wig corporate tycoons with hideous comb-overs.
At some point, we arrived at my Mom's house. I bummed around with the 'rents and when I had gotten my fill of sushi-laden family time, I crashed.
I was pretty stoked about waking up the following day because it meant that I would be taking a side trip up to Orlando. To do so meant I had to rent a car:
And thus I introduce to you - my rented white Chrysler Crossfire convertible.
Words cannot describe how much fun this car was to drive, so instead I defer to my hair - pictured above, clearly having a ball.
I arrived in downtown Orlando safely, put the top on the marvel of American engineering temporarily mine, put a hat on the gnarly mat otherwise known as my head created by such marvel, and greeted Sari Mankuta in front of one of her favorite restaurants. Whether it be Disney World, I-Drive, the UCF area, or the nudist colony my parents used to vacation to in the '80's - the Orlando area is one of distractions. I had never been to downtown before and was pleasantly surprised by how delightful the cobblestone paths around numerous lakes and greenzones were, especially to drive around, showing off my ride.
Sari was one of my best friends in high school, which means that we have known each other for about 13 or 14 years, now. It was great to catch up - she has made an impressive success of herself at her new marketing gig for Fullsail Media/Tech School. I was disappointed that her boyfriend couldn't join us, but we probably would have bore the Hell out of him, reminiscing of yester-year band camp march-offs and adolescent sleep-overs.
After dinner, we said our good-byes and I put the top back down before heading toward Disney World. Normally, I would avoid Disney World like the plague, but it just so happened - it being Spring Break and all - that my friend Kevin Barden would be staying at his family's timeshare at the Old Key West Disney Resort with his brother Scott for the week. Kevin and I started school together at Taliesin. During those tumultuous times, it was a gift to have Kevin around all the time. He has a care-free, youthful exuberance about him that can be described as nothing less than delightful. He's also an immensely talented musician who graced the bowels of many Frank Lloyd Wright buildings with any number of songs from the Counting Crows catalog on an almost daily basis.
Being from Minnesota, I was utterly shocked and generally somewhat appalled to learn that he had been to Disney World (at that time) 39 times!!! As a Floridian, I know people who went frequently. But even with the convenience of it being 3 and a half hours a way, this is a staggering number. I've maybe been ten times. At most!
As I got to know Kevin, I realized that all-things-Disney was an important part of his growing up (kind of like how nudist colonies were an important part of mine). This was especially evident when I went up to Kevin's dome house once outside Minneapolis. There on one wall was a series of photographs, each one featuring Kevin and Scott in front of Cinderella's Castle from every single time they went throughout their lives. It's incredible to see. The two of them grew up in the shadow of that castle.
Ok. I admit it - I strategically planned my voyage home to coincide with Kevin's SB. I wanted to be with him as he entered the Magic Kingdom for the 47th time. (He's 23 now, you do the math...)
On the other side of the spectrum is our friend Mike Volk, who is also grew up in Florida. Except, he has never been to Disney World. I'm still not sure how this is possible, but Mike insists that it's true. I mean, seriously - it's pretty hard to go through your childhood living in Florida and NOT ever go to Disney World. Kevin invited Mike "Volkie" Volk and girlfriend Eleanor "Ellie" Laughlin - also of Taliesin fame, who now live in Gainesville to come along.
We all convened at the Old Key West Resort Wednesday evening. Kevin met me just outside the gate and was thrilled to hop in my sweet convertible to direct me toward the resort check-in. Maybe it was the excitement of being in Kevin's presence combined with the anticipation soon being joined by Volkie and Ellie, or maybe it was my body rejecting the sense of contrived reality Disney World excels in creating for it's visitors serviced by an unfathomably inoffensive Disney employees - but I was feeling incredibly giddy and a tad bit mischievous.
Having been to so many places dotting our amazing American landscape, I can't help but dislike Disney World's excess of simulated realities. Disney is theme-oriented. You can visit every country at the World Showcase at EPCOT and resign to never need to encounter the real thing. After all, why go to Italy or China when you can just go to EPCOT? Look Mommy! There's a waterfall - now we don't have to drive to Yellowstone next summer...
The Old Key West Resort is no exception with it's wood shutters and pastel colors ever-so vaguely reminiscent of you know where. Kevin and I parked in front of the resort's community center. We were greeted by some eerily friendly resort staff who provided us with First Timer buttons to distribute to our First Timer friends. I asked if they had buttons for when it's your 47th visit. She explained politely that they did not, and I could sense that if they were allowed to be even slightly uncouth or even playful, she would have said something like, "we just gave away our last one." I could tell she was holding back...
We entered the check-in line at the front desk. We got in line behind a family, beaming. The woman behind the counter was making pink balloon wands. I asked for one, but she made me a gray sword instead. No - it wouldn't be appropriate to give a guy a pink wand, now would it. When it was our turn to check-in, Kevin and I were discussing the decor. I was explaining to Kevin enthusiastically how the real Key West is known for it's feral cocks. His eyes widened in embarrassment as I repeatedly uttered the phrase with inspired irreverence. I continued to elucidate the issue of these feral cocks - remnants from the days when Key West was nothing but a pirate hideout way back when and how these feral cocks reek havoc on the streets attacking pet dogs and tourists and how recently they became such a problem that the locals removed alot of the feral cocks to a near-by island to run amok without causing any harm or defamation to property. I relished how well-trained the check-in girl was as she desperately tried to get me to use the word 'rooster' instead. It was an impressive diplomatic tactic, I have to admit.
Anyway, she prepared my resort card, and asked for my name.
I decided it might be best to use an alias.
Just then, Mike and Ellie arrived. We had a great group hug, jumped up and down and then bought our Magic Kingdom tickets for the next day, before going back to the Barden family's timeshare apartment.
Ellie and Kevin - in the apartment, which was really nice. There was a full kitchen stocked with beer (which was more of Kevin's doing, rather than Mickey's). Two bed rooms, living room, two bathrooms - one with a gigantic jacuzzi tub. There was a nice terrace too which overlooked a cypress tree-infused landscape not at all like what you would see at the real Key West. For shame, Disney.
But Disney World is a place where dreams come true, and Mike and Ellie were unquestionably dazzled by the First Timer pins strategically placed on their pillows before they prepared for bed.
We arose early the next day and delighted in a sock fest. I showered and did my best to unleash the mat of convertible hair with an entire bottle of Disney Resort Conditioner.
We opted to take the bus from the resort to MK. We geared up the newbies with a Disney song sing-a-long en route.
M-I-C... K-E-Y...
Scott, Kevin, Ellie, and Volkie - Ready to go!
In my first post-September 11th visit to Disney World, I found it interesting that there was a bag check and metal detector that everyone needed to pass through. A little less magical when you're reminded that yes, people may want to kill you.
But with little further worries we hit Main Street USA and the delectable bakery for breakfast and took the eagerly awaited castle photo-op to hopefully one day grace the Barden Residence Castle Photo Wall. (Please, I hope).
And then we were off to Adventure Land!
Yo-ho, Yo-ho - Arrrrrr! It's Volkie and Kevin on Pirates of the Caribbean. I've always loved this one, but I particularly enjoyed how they added anamotronic Johnny Depps to the ride - which is to say, just so we're all on the same page - they updated the ride with characters from the movie based on the ride.
Next was the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, followed by the Jungle Cruise. With the lines for these rides already somewhat of a wait, we could tell it was going to be bustling at the Magic Kingdom that day.
Then we stopped and did some eating. And got in trouble for feeding the birds.
It happened to be Scott's 20th birthday and coincidentally they have hats for sale for such instances.
We went over to Thunder Mountain to get a Fastpass Ticket and then hustled over to the Haunted Mansion.
I love the Haunted Mansion because it's the one ride where Disney employees are actually mean to you.
Room for one more ghost!
It's hard to argue with a pair of brothers who have been to Disney World collectively 100 times - but I wasn't convinced of their next choice, the Country Bear Jamboree Show. "C'mon Ben, it's a slap-happy good time!"
I went along, begrudgingly.
Kevin and Scott were hilarious. I laughed through the whole thing.
We headed in the direction of Splash Mountain next, but were thwarted by the afternoon parade.
Look who it is!
We waited in line and hour and a half for Splash Mountain. Normally, this would not have been too fun, but the weather was so good it even made waiting in long lines tolerable. We called our school chums - Fred, Julie, and Joe, and played line waiting games.
Kevin and I on Splash Mountain. Very wet. Very fun.
I like how you can see the Castle and Space Mountain from the top of Splash Mountain.
We practically walked right onto Thunder Mountain next with our Fast Passes. Interestingly enough, Volkie began to catch on to Disney's inauthenticity factor when I pointed out how many of the ride's simulated features are inspired by the geology of Yellowstone National Park. Volkie and I had traveled to the real one together once.
On our way to Tomorrow Land, we started getting a tad cranky. I needed to eat again. Ellie needed coffee.
We all took a little nap on the Tomorrow Land People Mover.
Then we went on the Buzz Lightyear ride.
Kevin and Scott.
Mike and Ellie.
The rain started to come down when we ditched the idea of waiting in the 80 minute Space Mountain line. Instead, we opted for Fantasy Land's Philharmagic where Donald Duck (in true feral cock fashion) reeks havoc through many animated features of song.
Our first real bout of contention for the day occurred when everyone but me wanted to go on the lame-as-hell Peter Pan ride. It ended up being about an hour and a half for this three minute ride! But the real argument came when we were discussing the qualities of Tinkerbell's fairy-ness. Kevin - an expert on all-things-Disney, insisted that she in fact was not a fairy at all, but actually a pixie! I refused to by into it. Tinkerbell is a Walt Disney icon - how could I have had her species pegged incorrectly all these years? "Well, you know Ben, she did have that pixie dust. That's what they called it in the movie."
Scott, Mike, and Eleanor all agreed. If Disney World was truly the happiest place on Earth, than I just couldn't be wrong! I turned to several groups of strangers while rounding the queues and posed the question as to TB's ethnicity, but was not able to obtain a measurable consensus.
"What's the difference between fairies and pixies, anyway," inquired Ellie?
Scott loosely strung together some logic on the matter, "In the context of Disney movies," he said, "fairies live longer."
"Like Cinderella's fairy Godmother," Kevin chimed in."
Of course we all know this made no sense because Tinkerbell lived in Never Never Land - WHERE NO ONE EVER AGES!
Finally we boarded the ride, but it shed no answers, either, so I turned to next best thing. We approached a few Disney employees...
"Excuse me. Can one of you tell me if Tinkerbell is a fairy or a pixie?"
They looked at each other and proceeded by way of conversation an attempt to discover what I wanted her to be. Like I said - you aren't supposed to be wrong at the happiest place on Earth. It was their job to be inoffensive, I know, but I would have been happier if they just answered the damn question.
Giving up, we decided it best to get the hell out of there and get some dinner. Since it was Scott's birthday, he got to choose and decided that we should head over to Downtown Disney and have dinner at Wolfgang Puck's.
The light parade was going on as we walked by the castle one last time. The red stuff in the photo is the one Disney employee (with a light stick) who got visibly angry with me - I was in the pathway.
Even though it was still raining, we watched the firework show begin as we left the Magic Kingdom in the monorail and then we caught the tail end of the EPCOT Illuminations as we got off there to board the bus back to the resort. It was perfectly timed. Then we hopped into Ellie's car and drove down the road to Downtown for dinner.
At Puck's I enjoyed the savory Pumpkin Ravioli. Scott had a great birthday.
Seeing these kids was an utter joy. Even though we were at Disney World and I'm such a fuddyduddy about it's onslaught of inauthenticity, it was great to experience Disney World through the eyes of friends who've never been before, while benefiting from the wisdom of friends who practically live there.
And of course, piling in the tub back at the resort made it all worth it after our ridiculously long day.
I spent the one more night admiring that tub from the next room, but in the morning I put the top back down for the ride home. I had agreed to drive Mike to his parent's house in North Palm Beach - totally on the way. It was great to have his company and we reveled in the open road. After all, the convertible was a serious improvement from the 15 foot moving truck Mike and I drove from Wisconsin to Yellowstone and down to Arizona back in Oct. 2004.
Alas, when I arrived back to Mom's house, it was time to return it to Enterprise. I want one in the worst way.
Later mom and I went to the supermarket in preparation for the party she would host in my honor (as well as Sami) on Saturday. She got really mad at me because I didn't like the Florida avocados and refused to use them in the guacamole she wanted me to make for the party. I'll admit that I am a bit of an avocado snob.
Right. My friend Sami. We have been friends forever, very literally. Our mothers met at Lamaze class. So we have been an important part of eachother's lives for 27 years. She is my oldest friend and we've been through a lot together. We are both only children and I think we take on that competitive and antagonizing, yet loving and supportive sibling role in eachother's lives. Sami lives in NYC and I live in Texas which doesn't lend itself well to spending quality time. At some point recently Sami and I realized that it had been about four years since we had last been blessed with eachother's company, which is really quite nuts. We decided to coordinate our next trip home. And since Sami recently got hitched and knocked up - it felt ever more pressing.
In late January, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy - Cody Babar (like the elephant) Hoover. She and her husband, Silas decided it was the perfect time to bring the bundle of joy to FLA to visit his Uncle Ben. I made little Cody Babar a mix CD when he was born of child-friendly favorites that I know he'll really enjoy when he's old enough. That is, unless Cd's are obsolete by then... Anyway, I could not wait to meet this baby!
Here's new mommy Sami now. Much like she certainly still does with me, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that she isn't twelve anymore. Seeing her breastfeeding her child is mind-blowing and surreal. Sami's boobs are definitely a force to be reckoned with...I hope she doesn't mind that I just put her ostentatious display of fertility on the Internet - albeit a very maternal, National Geographic-like context.
This was my first time meeting Sami's husband Silas. He's really intelligent and has good taste in music, beer Hindu deities, and he's a capable musician, too. Or so I hear.
Yes, Silas fits well into our little extended family. He's from Kansas which might explain why he's a sharp shooter like Annie Oakley. My mom hosts the Bush/Cheney campaign sign target practice every time Sami and Silas come to visit - which I am sad to report is more often than I do.
I think we'll keep them.
The next day I had brunch with Daddio and then took him through a nice bike ride through the golf course before starting the preparations for my mom's St. Patrick's Day Potluck Party.
People started to show up before sunset. It was just cool and breezy enough to warrant use of the fire pit on the patio. I stepped into the role of Mojito-Making-Machine.
Suzy and Steve - seated beside the window. (Psst! It's not a real window...)
It turns out Silas really is as talented as his wife has raved!
Silas even played a few tunes with evening headliners - Richard and Terry (Sami's mom).
Baby Cody Portrait - my Dad and his wife Miriam sing back-up. (Not really, Sir Cuteness was asleep!)
How fun was it to reconnect with my friend Sara Ravenna who I met at Bethune Performing Arts Elementary School in 1987! We had the same classes together - third through fifth grade! Finally in that last year, I made the mistake of revealing to Sara and her friends that I had been harboring a secret crush on her for three years. Even though I starred in all the school plays, and my mom taught our class to juggle, they taunted me about it until I cried. There was nothing I could do but stand aside while she dated Charlie Hunter instead. Seem a tad too dramatic for fifth grade? Lest we forget, it was a performing arts elementary school!
It just so happened that upon graduating fifth grade, Sara ended up joining me at camp that summer at the Hollywood Playhouse. There, she continued to reject my unabashed attempts to have her fall in love with me.
After that summer we both went off to different middle schools. There, we faced far greater challenges alone. (Kids can be so cruel.) I had damn near forgotten all about her by the time I was a well-established, high school sophomore band nerd. Lucky for me, Sara had not only remembered me, but was able to pick me out in a crowd while attending an evening poetry slam and ska band concert at my high school - even though, again we attended different ones.
It was amazing! She boldly came right up to me. "Oh my god! Is that Bennie Lynn," she exclaimed, beaming.
Can you tell how impressed I was by this? She continued to explain how she had always regretted the cruel tutelage of yesteryear. She had been looking for me for years so that she could apologize. Incredibly, I continued to run into her through-out high school, and in odd places while even visiting home from college. Life went on and so came the Internet networking revolution, which made possible another reunion - this time at my mom's house.
Sara is married now to the boy who played in the ska band at my high school that night long ago. And though she failed to get her husband to join her that night, I can tell they are well suited together by listening to their podcasts. Watch out for the gassy one about tacos. It turns out that Sara is a professional street performer, so to speak. (Oh how we both owe our livelihood to performing arts elementary school!) In addition to being a living statue at Universal Studios in Japan among other things, she commonly out performs all the other fairies at Renaissance Festivals across the Southeast.
Without question this makes her my personal authority on FAIRIES! When posed the question, "Tinkerbell: Is she a pixie or a fairy?" Sara responded, "You know pixies are actually a type of fairy - so perhaps both!"
I can't believe after all that we were both right...
The party started to wind down as Sami needed to put the baby to bed. We took a group picture in my mom's newly renovated kitchen.
My friend Evyan stopped by with her boyfriend Matt toward the end of the night. Evyan, my former college roommate (as well as being the high school chum of a Mr. Randy Rainbow), was also home on her Spring Break from University of Chicago where she is studying art history and English or humanities. Together we delighted in the size and girth of my mother's Homies collection which numbers in the hundreds. It was so good to see Evyan in such good spirits.
The next day, mom and I loaded the bikes onto the rack and high tailed it to the Everglades for the 15 minutes loop around Shark Valley.
It's misnamed - as there are no sharks at all. Just gators.
And birds.
Oooooh - that's a big one.
And a friendly one.
There is a great concrete spiraling observation tower at the Southern end of the loop.
Spectacular views of marsh-living reptiles in the river of grass.
Later that night, I met up with my friend Rachael who invited me to join some friends of hers to attend the monthly poetry group at the Goddess Store in downtown Hollywood. Rachael had never been before and didn't know alot about what were getting ourselves into.
There were pro ably between 15-20 people sitting in a circle of carefully arranged folding chairs in the belly dancing chamber in the back of the store. I'd bet it was about half and half readers and listeners. There were some interesting characters, the most unusual being (pictured above) Mr. Whispers. He recited all his spoken word montages from memory, only to rely on his dear Mrs. Whispers (Yes! They are wearing matching Looney Toons T-shirts!) if he should forget a line, who was mouthing the lines, in silence, beside him.
Sure, we performed a group reality check everytime he brought up his HIV, but couldn't turn down his offer for one of his erotic poems. A line I may never forget: Baby, I like it when you make my dick harder than algebra. Whoa.
Rachael and I bolted after that to grab a bite to eat at my favorite Flashback Diner. I devoured two bowls of matzo ball soup in one sitting. They don't make Jewish food in Texas like they used to.
Rachael had a late night breakfast smorgasbord.
When we returned to my mom's house, Rachael and I sat on the front patio and continued to catch up. The last two times I saw Rachael, she had been mommy-ing her own newborn Gus and it was good to catch her in a less maternal flavor. Rachael's new interest is astrology which is relay funny because she'll say things like, "Even though you think Madison is perfect for my family, and we are considering moving, I just can't go there because Mercury has descended into the fifth house of Venus. That's a bad sign, Ben." You can say what you want, but Rachael's got some killer boots.
On my last day I ended up just spending quality time with my parents. I took Dad out to lunch and Mom out for dinner. Not that taking my parents out for separate meals once a year is at all equal to the vast and unconditional love they exude in my direction at all times. But, I am happy that supporting myself enough to treat them for a change instills great pride. I wish I could do better - you deserve better - like me coming to visit more. I should work on that...
Until then, onward home to San Antone.
