Bike Ramble's Big Adventure

This is the tale of the Alamo Basement Riders.

Its the riveting true story of the Bike Ramble that brought them together.

Its an equation to making the best out of lameness.

Consequently, its also a digression of the entangled debacle that followed...

Here it goes:

My friend Brian - famed for his bringing of the San Antonio biking community together in various forms - came up with an idea.

A great idea!

This was that at the next to-be-scheduled Bike Ramble (what are we on 5 now?), we would all form gangs of 2-6 people. Gangs would each adhere to a particular theme of their own conception. And then, continuing in Bike Ramble tradition, the rival gangs reek havoc as the fleet circum-navigates downtown stopping a few times along the way for "provisions".

I don't think that it gets more fun than this, folks. And certainly it couldn't get any colder than the last BR when it rained and rained and was absolutely freezing.

The predicted low for Saturday night was to be 28 degrees. Cold it was, but deterred few.

Oh. What was my gang?

Some of you might remember Tim Burton's coming-of-age classic "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" originally released in 1985. Growing up in the '80's it was almost impossible not to have been completely entranced by the wacky hero's shenanigans as he traversed the country searching for his stolen most-cherished bicycle and the unusual characters he befriends along the way. His wanderings bring him to none other than the Alamo where he was told he would find his beloved bike in the basement there. I should express that if you haven't seen this film in a decade or two like in my case, life should be put on hold while its watched right now. It's hysterical!

Obviously there was no better theme for my gang, considering that we'd be so effortlessly bridging our activity with our location. It was perfect, and impressive how eagerly everyone got into it. And thus the Alamo Basement Riders Gang was born! There were a few logistical issues to iron out like which character would each individual portray and so forth, but once settled there was no stopping us.

Matt - getting crafty over at my house Saturday. We had spent a few hours prior gathering accoutrement's for our characters. Matt is seen here preparing the iron for patchwork.

Later, I picked up Vicki after she graciously made me dinner. We tossed her bike in my station wagon and off we went to meet up with our gang.

Vicki looks an awful lot like Dottie, Pee-wee's aspiring girlfriend. Oh, and maybe Cyndi Lauper circa 1983.

Matt unleashing his great beast...

...as Francis Buxton, Pee-wee's neighborhood arch-rival and thief of said bike.

We rode a block to Brian's house where we expected to meet the rest of our gang and my bike. Brian was lending me one of his since I don't have my own. Yet.

See Dottie Go! (taken while perched precariously on the back of Matt's bike).

Alison and Brian were a duo of ruffians known simply as the "Fuck-ups".

Finally I had the privilege of company by none other then Pee-Wee Herman himself (donned impeccably by Jonathan Smith.)

He was also with his friend Mickey, the convict. (It's Jeremy - for those of you that can't break through his Longhorn exuberance.)

And of course, his biker chick sweetheart of the Satan's Little Helpers (Heather).

Dottie adds to Francis's make-up...

Once I adorned my ride with its costume, we were off to the rendezvous point - under the bridge across from Sam's Burger Joint.

Like Pee-wee, we needed to make a pilgrimage to the birthplace of Texas independence to scope out it's non-existent basement and take a few group photos.

Of course, a few tourists requested a photo with Saturday morning nostalgic bliss.

Jonathan may pull off a good Pee-wee, but he needs to work on his bike tricks.

Across from Sam's we waited for more of the gangs to arrive and had a beer. Or several.

There were a number of rival gangs. For instance, there was the Jehovah's Witness group all in their white collared shirts and ties. Mark mustered up a large group from Austin - the Hell Sparkle Fire Kittens. Blake championed the Pedal Philes - and were a bunch of creeps on bikes. Then there was the Rastafarians, who happen to conveniently be Rastafarians. They forgot to dress up.

And off we were...

Now is a good time to note that there was a pretty good turn out. Though an official count was never tabulated, I would guess about 40-50 riders in all.

I should also mention how difficult it is to take pictures while riding a bike, especially in less coherent disposition.

Our first stop for provisions was Beer-n-All on San Pedro, a whirlwind of over-stimulation that I had never encountered before. Perhaps it was the hilarity of dozens of cyclists going through a drive through or maybe it was the bright colors or perhaps the female attendants wearing matching uniforms of tight chartreuse pants, white puffy jackets, and cowboy hats (Damn, damn damn! I didn't get a photo!) or maybe it was the beer, but it was an experience to be sure of.

We gather and await the arrival of...

LARGE MARGE - Pee-wee's trucker friend.

On this very night...ten years ago...on this same stretch of road...I saw the worst accident I ever did see...a sound...like a garbage truck dropped off the empire state building...

And when the pulled out the driver's body...it looked like this!

Anyway...

Pee-wee gives a thumb's up to Beer-n-All.

Several members of the Sparkle Fire Kittens from Hell.

Awwww, Dottie. It's no surprise, Pee-wee doesn't like you like that.

Another shameless movie re-enactment.

Oh! Party Foul - Blake, you put your gang to shame.

The girls contemplate the nature of Beer-n-All.

And off we go again! This time, our destination was the Frio Street Bar. But because San Antonio is lame, it was closed. ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

Marc "Grrrrrrrr" Toppel - leader of the Pink Sparkle Hell Kittens.

And shortly there after, the group filed out over in the direction of Southtown.

Warming up by the fire at La Tuna. It's rather fortunate that I was taking pictures, because a cohesive memory dissolves from this point into a vibrant blur...

Lots of bikes.

Several of the Pedal Philes.

Hey! The guy who owns Blue Star Brewery was at La Tuna and offered up at his joint 10 free pitchers! (Split between the whole lot, of course) Could we resist?

Then we did something despite our better judgment. Although we all LOVE Beethoven's and its heavy, authentic German malt Warsteiner and festive atmosphere - it is renown throughout the land that it wrenches sobriety from your soul...

Alison with Cara.

Matt and Vicki.

Blake.

Cara and Brian - they're wusses. They drove.

The argument of the night - Who will be seen by history as more influential in the 80's - Michael Jackson or Prince? I don't remember much, but I do remember that Brian would not give up on poor under-rated Prince.

Check out Alison's spirited cobra tattoo.

Jeremy and Heather.

LARGE MARGE and Pee-Wee. Heh-heh.

Austin from Austin.

The floor.

Gonners.

Gotta give 'em credit for trying.

And try he did.

Oh Jeremy...

And thus ended Bike Ramble V.

As Vicki drove us home, I couldn't help but admire our city's notable landmark Tower of the America's

It's the perfect symbol for San Antonio. Its an attempt at something great, but none-the-less unequivocally mediocre. But as we drove by this beacon of lameness, it passed through the rich experience of being and became something unquestionably whimsical, yet authentically real.

Cheers, San Antonio. Cheers!

Comments

[Jen]

Ben,
I just wanted to let you know that I (unprovoked by 3 word e-mails) do read your blog regularly. I think you are doing a fabulous job. I have only one request, well, maybe two requests.
1.Could you see it in your heart to mention me?
2.Could your e-mails include a "Hi. . .how are you?" and possible include an actual sentence or two?
I know you have it in you; I can tell by the wonderful prose of your blog.
Much Love,
Jennifer

[holly]

oh ben, you are precious. love, holly

[Daddio]

Oh I'm such a sucker for anything that has the word "Alamo" in it. Cheers!!

[Daddio]

by the way you might try to lighten the photos before you post them thay should help to be able to see them a lot better.

[ShareBear]

The amount of fun you have on a regular basis leaves me feeling tired. And jealous. And inspired. Not to mention the sheer creativity of your outings. Good stuff.

xo

[Nicholas]

The jealousy with which I view your latest post is astounding.